soozey

One day you will be dead. I worry about that day. Not because I think I'll miss you. But because of all of the things that could've been. Like, you loving me... Caring... Even just acknowledging my presence. But you don't. I wonder how I will cope. I also wonder if you'd look down on me. See yourself from the outside and how you've treated me. Would you regret it? Would you be embarrassed? Would you be ashamed of yourself? Because you should. But I don't think you ever will.

There was always this weird space afterwards; like the calm before the storm but backwards. A lull. A space where everything moved around me, becoming more vibrant, colourful, and lively. It's a space where I can see things so clearly. It's where I realise that these things have always been there, I just didn't see them, or pay attention. A plateau where I can see forever. The hills part for me so I can. That's where forever is - in this lull after the storm. Sometimes the storm is brutal. Sometimes is comes back to visit. Sometimes it nearly breaks me. Sometimes I nearly crumble. But every time the lull comes, I'm filled with a flood of

Falling down the rabbit hole, Alice in Wonderland. Never did I expect that the thud at the bottom would be so grand. Plunging, deep down that rabbit hole, Falling for years and years. An ugly, black hole full of some of my worst fears. Now I'm at the bottom, I feel so free. You are exactly where I'm meant to be. You're the bottom of the hole that I've been searching for. The rock that grounds me and moves me to the core. I loved you before I even landed and I didn't even know. Now that I'm here, I cannot stop the flow. It pours out of me from every pore; happy and content, written all over my face. Everyone can see it, so obvious. You ar

Like a pebble sending ripples over the water, your kiss sends goosebumps over my body. It feels as though your lips know me, like they've been reacquainted after a long holiday. The most heavenly of reunions happen, every single time they meet. We communicate more than words ever could, with these lips, these kisses. I've tried many times to articulate it, how I really feel about you. It never seems to work, it doesn't feel like enough. But these kisses we share together, they're a piece of the magic that is me and you.

Laying in the Autumn leaves, looking up through bare branches. The sun gazing down, lovingly; the breeze gently dancing on skin. Long, deep breath in; the ground below feels cool. A smile parting pale cheeks, finally feeling free. Footsteps felt through cool ground. A shadow cast as a silhouette appears. Eyes adjust to the change in light, until I see you. You lay beside me, leaves crunching. The strangest feelings build within; and your face feels like home. Your hand, mine, fingers entwined. You are the freshest breath of air, filling lungs, tugging heart strings. Eyes closed now, soaking up the moment; long, deep breath out.

Our hearts have always been intertwined; mine is yours and yours is mine. Watching you deteriorate before my eyes; hoping, wishing, praying that what I was seeing was lies. But the truth unfolded in such a cruel way; I realised nothing I did would make you stay. Those last few days will stay with me forever; it’s not something I would wish on anyone, not ever. Bedridden, with the essence of you nearly gone; the sadness in my heart weighing a ton. Laying next to you as you struggle to speak; cuddling your body that feels so weak. Looking into your tired eyes; I can see that you’re almost ready to die. My heart breaks

I see your reflection; you don't see me. My heart is almost beating out of my chest. I can't breathe. Time stands still, and I watch you; a confused look on your face as your search for direction, just like you always have. Lost in the darkness of your own hell. Tears well in my eyes, sweaty palms. I am scared. Petrified. You don't see me. The tears in my eyes are angry. I am angry. How could you do this? Why don't you understand? I've imagined shaking you, beating sense into you so many times; not that I think it'd do any good. I see your reflection. You come towards me. You stop and turn. You turn your back on me. It doesn't matter that

That hollow feeling has come back again. I am invisible. I feel like I'm swimming under the water, looking up to the surface and all I see is blurred faces looking straight through me. I reach out, my hand breaking the surface. No one sees. I am invisible. So, I allow myself to sink further down... Deep down to the bottom where I am safe. Feels like home.

Too little, too late Too many chances given All that's left is hate